I had the most peaceful day last Saturday. It was just with my bed, my laptop and myself. Except for the times that I was talking to you, you never crossed my mind. It felt so refreshing to not be constantly reminded that I will never be good enough for someone.
I had been struggling since I woke up today, confused as to what to do today, stay in the dorm and continue this good feeling or go out, see you and risk the happy vibe I earned from yesterday.
I went anyway. It was good, until I started thinking again. I really don’t want to point things out again because I know you would interpret it as pang-aaway but I just have to because it’s better that you know. But then I realized, I have been saying the same thing since the time you changed and nothing changed back ever since. Sometimes I think to myself, maybe you were doing it intentionally so I would change my mind and just let go, or maybe you were just so busy doing something. I’m just scared to ask you which.
If I could just have a peace of mind with you. If I could just feel good about this. If I could just stop thinking. If I could just ignore the indifference. We’d be really happy.